I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
