we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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