you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
