just tell him i said nine months
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
