If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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