remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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