Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize