Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
