Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
