There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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