I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
