Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
