Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize