me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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