Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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