So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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