i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
