Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
