I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
