I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
