hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
