I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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