I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
