ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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