I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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