If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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