I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
