I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize