Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize