Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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