First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
