Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
