So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
