I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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