I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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