Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
