you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
