i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
