The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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