I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
