You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
