I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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