No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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