I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My orgasm happened in two different decades
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
