Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
