it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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