I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
