Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
