hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
