i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
