Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just had sex on a roof
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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