Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
