It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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