he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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