I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
