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We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Boobs speak an international language.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
