You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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