is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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