remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
