If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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