barbara walters just said penis...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
