i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
