he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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