I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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