I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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