he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
