listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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