Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
