is your mom at the bar?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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