Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
