just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize